Typical

I should get something straight. I am writing this for my posterity. When my great-great grandchildren want to learn about me, I want them to come here. I try to make it non-boring, and hopefully I'm doing decently at that.

When I went to visit my grandma, she let me read her book that she was working on about her father. It was very good, but I noticed something at the end. My great-aunt Korinn has had a difficult life. She married this sweet guy, who then died of cancer three weeks after their first child was born. She re-married another man, but he did not live up to expectations. They have several kids, about half of whom are autistic. Her life has been full of difficulty. But grandma's book doesn't mention the last half of her struggles.

I'm not condemning grandma. I understand her desire to have her sister seen in the best possible light. But I am an engineer. I think that truth should and must prevail. In that light, I feel I ought to reveal some weakness. I broke up with Robert (it was mutual). It simply wasn't going anywhere, plus he's leaving in two months.  Now my heart feels like this: 

 

People are extremely difficult and confusing and such. I echo this sentiment: 

 

I know (cognitively, though not emotionally) that I need to keep dating. It is very important to progress in this aspect of my life. But in a major where I'm outnumbered by guys 50:1, isn't it a little odd that I've been on a date with a grand total of 2 of them (1 of whom has asked every girl in the department)? No one else asks me. Even when accounting for the married ones, that says something profound about me. Or maybe them. Yeah... let's go with that. After all, they're probably intimidated by my long hair. Seems legit.

Too honest? Whoops. P.S. Great-grandkid, if you don't know who Benedict Cumberbatch is, stop reading this and go watch BBC's Sherlock made in 2010. SO good. Also, watch Star Trek: Into Darkness. Awesome stuff.

I'm living in a society infused with marriage. I cannot escape it. I want to get married, too. Which just makes it worse. 

There's no marriage on the horizon. Except for my friends, who seem to be getting married by the bushel. 

My friend asked me to come to the lab this morning so she could tell me about her weekend. Her boy met the family. Super exciting. Then she kept going on and on and on and on about how great he was, how she was so tired of waiting for him to propose (since they've been dating three entire months now) and how cute they were together. Also, how sweet he was. And how she hasn't texted him in nearly 12 whole hours. And how she can't come to anything I'm doing this weekend, since she'll be with him. And how amazing he. And isn't this picture of us so adorable? And isn't he wonderful? Look at this picture. Aren't we so cute together. 

And so on. For an hour and a half. 

I really wanted to be a little like: 

But I didn't, because I'm me. I try very, very hard not to be rude or unkind in any way. Plus she's my friend. And because I honestly do try to follow the golden rule. Even if it doesn't get me dates. 

Speaking of which, want to know my plans for the weekend? 

Just kidding. We have a Women's Conference on Saturday with our stake. Should be pretty fun and uplifting. 

This will pass. I know it will. There's a marvelous man out there, wishing for someone like me to come into his life. In the meantime, I just have to be patient and keep progressing. For now, that'll be enough.

Off to class, so that's all for now.